If the NHL lockout was a sci-fi horror movie, fans would have long ago dusted off the planet and nuked the league from orbit. But NHL owners are not acid-blooded homicidal aliens bent on our destruction…are they?

In that spirit I thought I would share the updated hockey section of my holiday wishlist:

1. Betteman/Fehr head tree topper.

2. Backyard fire pit rated to burn puck shaped rubber discs, nylon sweaters, and hopes and dreams.

3. Need a stocking stuffer? How about a 20 ounce can of Bud Light freshly poured into the finest wax-coated paper cup money can buy? Throw in a crumpled and wet handful of ones and leave the empty under the tree for the authentic experience.

4. For the person who has everything – a service to drive and park your car near the stadium until you get a parking violation or get towed. Aahhhh, gives me a warm feeling inside just thinking about it.

5. Ok, enough fun – how about a job for all the regular employees teams and businesses were forced to let go – you know, the people whom the NHL and teams constantly referred to in the past as ‘family’?

6. Last but not least – cancel the season. We’ve had enough. Fans are tired of your greed, senseless posturing, and frustrating press announcements, and we’re tired of being tired, and we have better shit to do in our lives than wait for millionaire’s and billionaire’s to reach the conclusion they want to start taking our money again.

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