NHL Fan’s Wishlist

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Myles Patrick

If the NHL lockout was a sci-fi horror movie, fans would have long ago dusted off the planet and nuked the league from orbit. But NHL owners are not acid-blooded homicidal aliens bent on our destruction…are they?

In that spirit I thought I would share the updated hockey section of my holiday wishlist:

1. Betteman/Fehr head tree topper.

2. Backyard fire pit rated to burn puck shaped rubber discs, nylon sweaters, and hopes and dreams.

3. Need a stocking stuffer? How about a 20 ounce can of Bud Light freshly poured into the finest wax-coated paper cup money can buy? Throw in a crumpled and wet handful of ones and leave the empty under the tree for the authentic experience.

4. For the person who has everything – a service to drive and park your car near the stadium until you get a parking violation or get towed. Aahhhh, gives me a warm feeling inside just thinking about it.

5. Ok, enough fun – how about a job for all the regular employees teams and businesses were forced to let go – you know, the people whom the NHL and teams constantly referred to in the past as ‘family’?

6. Last but not least – cancel the season. We’ve had enough. Fans are tired of your greed, senseless posturing, and frustrating press announcements, and we’re tired of being tired, and we have better shit to do in our lives than wait for millionaire’s and billionaire’s to reach the conclusion they want to start taking our money again.

If you haven’t caught the latest news, check it out here.

Dear NHL….Let’s Just Be Enemies

Posted on October 26, 2012 by Myles Patrick

Now I know you, NHL and NHLPA, might not even acknowledge this breakup letter since you’ve been roundly ignoring me lately. But I’ve been reassessing our relationship lately and realized I don’t love you anymore. Sure, I still love the old you and the idealized you, but it’s just not the same anymore. We need to break up and there’s no ‘let’s just be friends’.

I’ve known you since we were kids. I’ve gone to 100’s of hockey games during my life and was a season ticket holder for 5 years. I’ve watched you on TV as much as your dismal media contracts and policies would let me. I have jersey’s, t-shirts, jackets, underwear, pajamas, stickers, pucks, etc. out the wazoo. I played fantasy hockey for the past twelve years and obsessed over the stats of nearly every player in the league. I’ve celebrated some of my most important accomplishments and life events with you at the stadium – getting engaged, getting that new job, moving back to St. Louis. I’m happy and boisterous when you win and I’m sad and pissed off when you lose.

In other words, I drank the kool-aid early and often and kept coming back for more through all the previous strikes and issues in the NHL. I purposefully overlooked and forgave your past transgressions, not to mention your complete and callous disregard for my own opinion on hockey matters.

You’ve given me excitement and entertainment over the years but it’s just not enough for us to stay together any more and maybe not even enough for us to ‘just be friends’. So, consider this abusive and one-sided relationship over…and I sincerely hope all of you choke on the piles of cash we fans have given you over the years.

Hump Day Roundup

Posted on June 27, 2012 by Myles Patrick

It’s one of those days where the music just isn’t getting past my ears to be appreciated. The Actionsuit Philosophy tells me in order for one to appreciate music, one must first be able to appreciate silence. Actionsuit Philosophy also tells me in order for one to appreciate silence, one must release the bee’s buzzing in your head. So, while I promise to drink less caffeine tomorrow and post some more music, here’s all the bee’s buzzing in my head today:

Food Stuff: Easy and healthy lunches at work and spiral cut your hot dogs.
Atari is 40 years old: 10 greatest Atari games at Shortlist; 40 years of Atari at Kotaku.
Louis CK is fighting the man, choosing to sell his comedy routines and now tickets through his own website.
Speaking of the man: another disastrous policy foisted upon ISP’s and the public by the MPAA/RIAA. As someone who works in the IT field I can tell you there are already multiple ways around this, some easier than others, not to mention the false positives that are likely to result in the banning innocent bystanders.
Sports: Goon screenwriter talks with GeekDad over the state of fighting in hockey at Wired. I am a big believer the theory that removing the ‘enforcer’ role in hockey has greatly contributed in more injuries. Players think twice about hitting opponents carelessly or with too much force when they knew someone on the other bench will make them pay.
More sports: It’s time to get excited for the 2012 Chicago Bears (great review and preview of the last season and upcoming season with draft pick highlights – turn it up!):

NBC Executives Panic as Top TV Market Hockey Teams Lose One After the Next

Posted on April 24, 2012 by Myles Patrick

A changing of the guard in the West this year with Detroit, Chicago, Vancouver, and San Jose out. In the East, Pittsburgh is out and New York, New Jersey, and Boston could all follow suit in the next few days.